Monday, July 22, 2024

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Marriage: Husbands And Wives

For some of us, we are still married to our first sweetheart.  For others, we may have married countless sweethearts; twice, three times or more!  Along with marriage and all it’s joys, is learning how to remain each other’s best friend in life, while allowing each other the freedom to grow and change through out time.

The person we should treat with the most respect, love and admiration is the person we marry, but that seldom is how it works.  In fact, the person who sees us at our worst, is the one most often overlooked in our lives, who takes a back seat to children, a career or to financial responsibilities.  The person we couldn’t wait to spend forever with is the one we can never find time for.   Is there any wonder that divorce is on the rise?  Why do we fall out of love with our mate? Could it be we just didn’t anticipate how long forever would actually last?  Or that our partner’s habits which we once thought quirky and endearing could morph in to irritating and annoying at the speed of light?

Along with marriage comes very real responsibilities of home, family, college, retirement, all the while keeping our finances, our social duties and family obligations running like a Swiss clock.  There is that perfect image of what families should be; the Norman Rockwell painting we all aspire to… and then there is the reality of what real families are.  Imperfect, frustrating, disappointing, joyful, the heart endearing nucleus that we hold on to with both our hands.  Is it any wonder that we loose sight of the importance of our partner in our life?  Or that we find ourselves concentrating on a million other things other then nurturing and loving that partner?  We go from being soul mates to not knowing each other at all.  Marriage is never easy, be it the first time or the tenth.

Meeting Your Emotional Needs

Expecting your spouse to fill your emotional needs is not only unfair, it is unreasonable. You should take responsibility for filling your emotional needs yourself.

“If you are looking to a partner to make you feel worthwhile, to make you feel happy, to rescue you from a bored or unhappy life, if you are seeking someone to make you feel complete or whole — well then you have some work to do, because these are needs that are never going to be met by any one other than yourself,” says Sugrue. To put those demands on someone else is to set up yourself — and the relationship — for failure.”
Source: Dennis Sugrue, psychologist.

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